A Holiday...without travelling

The summer's almost over and it's time for vacationers to return back to Namma Chennai. Travel agencies keep advertising in the papers about vacations that cost ALMOST nothing. Well, I've just been on one such vacation. And it was in a place that you definitely wouldn't have considered: Chennai city itself. Yes, the city where mercury is more plentiful than water is an ideal vacation spot, and you can stay for as long as you like!! For the still unenlightened here's how you do it:

GUIDE TO VACATIONING IN CHENNAI:


6.00 AM - Time to get up from your bed, brush your teeth [if it's one of your priorities] and head for a brisk morning walk because you sure as hell cant do it after 7.30

7.30 AM - After you've taken an auto back from wherever you've walked to, sink into the dining table chair and enjoy your cuppa. Drink it slowly so that you can irritate anyone who needs to rush off....good entertainment. Take up the paper

9.00 AM - By now, you have reached the obituaries column and can no longer pretend to be engrossed in it. Go back to your bed. From now on, you shouldn't get out of it. And considering the weather, you proably wouldn't want to. Ponder about life

9.03 AM - Stop pondering

9.05 AM - Start staring at your mobile phone. See if you can hypnotise it into receiving some messages. If you can't then send some to your friends, who will actually begin to think that they're pretty good at hypnosis. If messages aren't free, give missed calls.

10.20 AM - Well, it should be this time when you finish talking, or else you need to brush up on conversational skills. Have a nice long bath, but remember the entire city needs water...

11.00 AM - By this time you should be completely bored. If not, then you haven't followed instructions properly. Switch on the TV or log on to the Internet (recommended...i hate the idiot box). That should keep you unprofitably occupied for 2 hours. Have lunch in between

12.00 - 4.00 Go to sleep. If you can't sleep look up insomnia's cure in the Medical almanac

4.30 PM - Another cuppa. But this one should be drunk rather fast...no one's around to get irritated

5.30 PM - Now you can think abt going out. Just think

6.00 PM - Now you should be outside. Walk to the nearest supermarket/novelty store, browse around and come back. Or go play badminton. Or read a book..whateever

8.00 PM - Check mail. I know you just checked it at 12 but it pays to check, right? Have dinner

9.00 PM - Start repenting for wasting the day, and make a resolution to do some useful job tomorrow....say save the world, or learn to fly. The trick is to resolve to do something that's either impossible or impractical. Give your imagination free rein.

10.00 PM - Conscience assuaged, you can go to bed. After all, tomorrow's another day...